No Rainbow for You

Oddly enough, it took until the end of Pride Month for the above ad to show up on my news feed. I suppose it makes sense since the end of this year’s Pride was taken up by certain developments at the Supreme Court and the subsequent tantrums. Actual news somehow managed to obscure the usual tributes.

The Mars(R) company may have been a little late to the party, but at least it did its civic duty by paying homage to the LGBTQ______ (whatever) communities. As you can see above, the beloved confection, Skittles(R), has been purged of all color for the only rainbow that “matters” in June.

But look closely at the ad. Closer…closer…see it? Those Skittles are white! White, I tell you! There are no black Skittles in that ad, no brown, red or yellow Skittles. How dare Skittles marginalize these communities! And how does anyone know these are white Skittles? They may identify as Native American Skittles like Elizabeth Warren, or as black Skittles ? la Rachel Dolezal. For that matter, these Skittles may not identify as Skittles at all. They may identify as non-binary two-spirit M&Ms.


Some may opine that the Skittles in question are not white, but grey. Grey? Grey? GREY? As a 55-year-old man, I am outraged that members of the aged community are being stereotyped in a blatant attempt to sell candy. Your societal gymnastics and virtue signaling will not save you this time, Mars. There will be no Skittlesplaining here! Have you no shame?

Mars is just one of many companies that contort themselves into no end of positions to voice the shibboleth of the 21st century, and many people do the same, not because they have a vested interest in doing so, but because it is this century’s equivalent of Jordache(R) Jeans, Swatch(R) watches or Air Jordans(TM). The rainbow has become a status symbol. I suspect that at some point, LGBTQ______ itself will become a registered trademark of the Walt Disney Company.

Years ago in my hometown, there was a gay advocacy group calling itself Dignity. The idea behind the name was that members of the gay community were tired of being stereotyped in movies, television, and popular culture and wanted people to know that they were fully orbed human beings with lives, jobs, interests, and intellectual pursuits. I knew a few of the members. Which is interesting, since Pride Month itself seems to be evolving into nothing but a sordid display of sexuality, giving the impression that these people have no other interest than their libidos, and that you had better be just as interested in them as well.

I would never take my grandchildren to a Pride event. However, I would have no problem dropping them off to spend a day with Spencer Klavan. Given the news coverage, at a Pride event, my grandchildren would likely see allegedly grown adults displaying as much of their bodies as possible while brandishing martial aids like chainsaws. In fact, the only thing that is apparently not on display at these gatherings is dignity. And children do not need to pick their way through sexual expression of any kind. Anyone, LGBTQ______ or otherwise, whose life is centered on their genitalia is living a sad life. Witness the lost and broken souls on social media who take twenty minutes to introduce themselves because they feel the need to explain their pronouns and gender identities. Doesn’t anyone read a book, paint a picture, or just go to a ball game?

Spencer, on the other hand, would probably make them do bench presses and read The Iliad or C.S. Lewis, which would be fine with me.

To be honest, I’ve never liked rainbows. That has nothing to do with LGBTQ______. I truly don’t care whom one loves. I’ve just never liked the rainbow as a motif, even before it became an ersatz trademark. Too many colors all jammed up together in one space like that looks unappealing. On the other hand, I’ve also never been a fan of red-white-and-blue d?cor or bunting. I suppose that makes me an unpatriotic homophobe and ergo universally hated by both sides of the aisle. So, no rainbow for me either I suppose.